Kourtney Kardashian and Travis Barker’s PDA has officially gone out of control

Have you ever wondered what Notebook would it look like if it was rated NC-17 and about a billion dollars were poured into it? Well, it still couldn’t come close to the thrilling and vigorous relationship between Kourtney Kardashian and Travis Barker depicted on The Kardashians week to week, though I’m sure Gena Rowlands would give it a try at old college.

Kourtney and Travis — “Kravis,” as the media has so lovingly but unoriginally dubbed them — have been gushing over each other over the past nine weeks of Hulu’s docuseries. Not an episode has passed without several scenes showing them feeling each other up, going hardcore in front of the cameras and their kids, and talking about their sexual compatibility.

At first, it was refreshing to see the older Kardashian sister so visibly happy in a relationship after spending nearly two decades in the public eye without a stable love. Her life before Barker wasn’t easy, as anyone who caught even an episode of keeping up with the Kardashians here or there could probably attest to that.

“Kisses and hugs aren’t a bad thing,” Kardashian tells the camera at the start of the season. “I’m so grateful that my kids can see a relationship of love and affection because they haven’t seen that in their entire lives.” And it is absolutely true! It’s great that Kourtney’s young children can see and understand what a healthy relationship between two adults can look like – too bad the editors are working overtime to betray them.

Not 15 minutes in the first episode of The Kardashians, Kourtney gets up from her own chair and sits on Travis’ lap, and moments later he’s rubbing his ass through his shorts and she’s putting her thumb in her mouth in the middle of a family barbecue that includes everyone from the youngest offspring of the mixed Kardashian family to the great matriarch Kris Jenner. And the kids don’t seem to like it much either, as they’ve been repeatedly shown to kindly ask the two to stop kissing in French.

Oddly, the scenes with Kourtney and Travis are hushed and intimate, making them look even worse through your TV screen. So many other moments in The Kardashians are covered in shitty TikTok-trending-adjacent, royalty-free songs that make it possible to half-watch the show while scrolling on your phone, but then there will be a crashing cut to total silence, sending the viewer back to the he broadcast just in time to see Kourtney and Travis kiss while waiting for an elevator, the sound design is so amplified it’s like they’re trying to flick a microphone from mouth to mouth with their tongues.

More often than not, their sugary aura will turn out to be so strong that I feel like I’m watching moments I wasn’t supposed to. Sometimes there won’t be anything sexual about it and I’ll always come away feeling like I fell into someone else’s room.

Barker will coo, “I love my baby, my baby is the biggest, my baby is the strongest,” as they press their foreheads together, gazing into each other’s eyes for long periods of time for the camera holds them. I feel like the producers expect me to be moved like it looks like the scene from Titanic where the old couple hold each other in bed as freezing cold water fills their cabin. “I’m fine for a bad day or a rough day with you [rather] only a day without you,” Barker says at one point. Sometimes I would almost rather see them talk to each other for an hour than talk to each other like the characters in a John Green novel would.

But the PDA between Kourtney and Travis doesn’t stop at just a public display of affection, it’s also a very crude public display of wealth. Somehow, the two lovebirds managed to turn their awkward relationship into a sideshow about how much fun love can be when even a fraction of your combined net worth is higher than most. people can expect to see in their lifetime.

The Kardashians makes no attempt to tone down the family’s pervasive air of unattainable wealth, and in fact, it only exacerbated it. One of the biggest and most visible examples of the wealth disparity between the 1% and everyone else is Kourtney and Travis’ effort to conceive a child together. Getting pregnant was tougher for Kourtney this time around, so she and Travis explored an array of fertility methods, and no expense will be spared in their desperation to make a physical product of their unyielding love.

Now, I have no qualms about anyone wanting to try any possible route to having a child. I think it’s an admirable goal, which has a measurable impact on your body. It’s not for the faint-hearted! But I also think there’s a fine line between the benefits of being open about the difficulties of conceiving a child in your 40s and completely throwing caution to the wind by going to an Ayurvedic spa that costs tens of thousands of dollars to help your chances of conceiving through holistic methods and talking about drinking your husband’s sperm.

Sorry, did I gloss over? Oh, yeah, Kourtney was greedy.

Speaking to Martha Soffer, Ayurvedic Guru and Founder of Surya Spa, Kourtney very cheekily states, “[The doctor] told me that the thing that would help [my thyroid levels] drank his semen four times a week. These two off-leash monsters truly go out of their way for anyone unlucky enough to cross their path and leave immeasurable sums in their wake.

To travel a few hundred miles to a fertility center so doctors can perform egg retrieval, Kourtney and Travis board the Blink-182 tour bus, which is driven by a driver so they can use the bed at the back, that she is Of course To note. Their trips back and forth between doctor’s offices, spas and fertility clinics in the show’s first nine episodes alone are enough to cover the travel expenses of an American family with California gas prices alone. middle class for a month.

Prior to egg retrieval, the clinic has to collect a sample of Travis’ sperm, which is a fun chance to have another medical professional up to speed on their twisted little world. Clinic woman tells them they need to recover only Sample of Travis in the cup, without any bodily fluids from Kourtney.

The couple then spend the next few minutes probing this poor woman to see if she can use saliva to help the process along, and is it okay if saliva gets into the cup? “No spitting,” she repeatedly has to say to two people in their 40s wearing matching skeleton jumpsuits, just like that odd couple we all knew in college and loved The Nightmare Before Christmas and was not silent about it.

These two pagans are obsessed with bringing unwitting strangers into their lair of iniquity. In another episode, while gazing at magnificent multimillion-dollar mansions to pack their combined families into, Kravis retreats to the backyard of the palatial estate, where Barker says, “I just think people are having a hard time to understand how two people can be so in love and affectionate because they are fucking miserable. And he might have an argument for it if he didn’t say so while he smelt Kourtney’s tits and reached out to squeeze her butt and thighs as she straddled him on the outdoor furniture in the garden from someone else’s house.

I’m extremely pro-horny – it’s essential, it’s natural, it’s cool – but these are not normal displays of love and affection. Kourtney and Travis get their poor real estate agent involved in these sick and twisted voyeuristic games. And then not even move forward with the property! Their real estate agent had to stay behind and wipe down all the patio furniture and didn’t even make a commission!

But that’s just Kourt and Trav! These two are on a mission to make their lives their own version of their favorite movie, true romance. They want to hook up, throw money away, and live the hedonistic life that only lovers without moral limits can do. This is Kravis’ world, and we all live in it. Maybe the heat will die down a bit now that the couple are officially wed, but that seems doubtful.

Their energy is just too strong. It’s a shock they haven’t already fathered six children just by sheer force of their absurdly hyper-sexual connection. But who knows, it could still happen. Kourtney Kardashian having the first immaculate conception since the Virgin Mary feels appropriate for where we are as a society anyway.