Should you feel romantic love in marriage?


Screenshot of YouTube, Meme taken from

A few days ago, in a Facebook group, people started talking about an old post Lori Alexander from The Transformed Woman done on his old blog. TO Always learn in a piece called “A Twisted and Perverted Love” Lori states that she did not feel romantic and devouring love towards Ken when she married him. She goes on to say that romantic love, those crazy feelings that color the world with happy colors, are very unnecessary in marriage. Should we feel romantic love in marriage?

Note that Lori put “hard work” right behind “love Jesus” are qualifications in what she wanted as a wife. Did this play a role in someone else’s decision to marry? I don’t remember thinking about it at the time. Oh, Lori and her thoughts on transactional sex!

What happened to the biblical conception of marriage and love illustrated in the Song of Songs? It was not some “I am going to marry him because he will be a good provider!” mentality that Lori espouses here. It’s crazy, stupid love mixed with desire, and it’s meant to be an illustration of the love between those who are married.

These 23 years of miserable marriage could have been much less miserable if Lori had had real human emotions of romantic love for her husband. It would have supported and carried her through the tough times, made the fights less intense, would have linked them in a way that nothing else would. It would probably have resulted in a happier sex life, with pleasure for both.

I like to think of the many little niceties I have done and done for my husband that stem from my romantic love for him. The laughs, the jokes, the understanding and the deepening of our commitment. I can’t imagine marriage without feeling that kind of love, instead of that hideous duty love that Lori promotes here.

It’s incredibly sad for both of them. They have missed so much of the good in marriage. They are still locked into a partnership that contains no joy, no closeness, no physical and emotional intimacy. To have to. Duty sex. Chore. It’s tragic !

Lori Alexander is not the transformed woman, she is the transactional woman, exchanging sex for support.

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