What unconditional love looks like in healthy relationships

The romanticism is incredible. But what if a relationship starts out as a romance and after a while it just ends?

In the best relationships, you get along like a hand in hand. Familiarity is reassuring. But sometimes comfortable love becomes lazy or even reckless, and this can easily undermine a healthy relationship. Brawls are brewing, disagreements simmer, and the spark that brought you together may fade. Saving when times get tough is definitely not what you signed up for, and it’s a far cry from the unconditional love you’ve always dreamed of.

People crave romance, acceptance, and ultimately unconditional love. But is unconditional love real? And if so, how can people show their unconditional love to their partners?

What is unconditional love?

In order to understand what unconditional love is, we must first explain the technical definition of unconditional love (although, of course, its meaning may vary depending on your family history and your unique perspective. ).

The basic definition of unconditional love is “affection without any limitation, or love without conditions”.

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With movies and songs romanticizing only the early stages of relationships, knowing what love is supposed to look like in a long-term relationship becomes confusing. Unconditional love seems so far from it.

But if unconditional love is your goal, you are going to have to learn how to grow your love together, to commit to deepening your love so that it lasts. While it may seem less passionate at times, unconditional love can help you both go through the natural changes in a relationship that’s built to last.

We asked a group of YourTango experts to help us understand the different meanings of unconditional love in relationships, and here’s what they told us.

What unconditional love means in relationships:

1. Unconditional love gives us space for what is needed to grow.

“The trick with unconditional love is to focus on the authenticity of a person; see their inner beauty and strength without getting carried away by what they say or do ”, says Ellen nyland, certified life and business coach.

“If you don’t agree or like what your loved one says or does, you don’t take away your ultimate love and you don’t take it personally. And if you have to let him go, you can. let in. love. “

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2. With unconditional love, partners choose who they want to be – and when.

“Unconditional love in the real world involves accepting your partner for the imperfect, flesh-and-blood person that he is, not the idealized version that you would like him to be,” says Lesli Doares, therapist and couple coach.

It means accepting their feelings, perceptions, experiences and views at face value without them needing to defend or justify them because they are different from yours.

Unconditional love can include asking for changes in their behavior, but being able to adapt gracefully if the answer is “no”.

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3. Unconditional love means understanding that there is a difference between feelings and reality.

“Unconditional love is being able to witness the anger, sadness, shame or guilt that arises in your partner while staying focused on who they really are,” explains Mandy Agnew Ph.D., therapist, healing guide, spiritual mentor and founder of Core Wisdom.

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“Look at your partner, see through their personality characteristics and focus on their inner divine love. When we witness the divine in another, we bring that part of us to the fore, and from that place comes the ability to ‘unconditional love. “

4. Partners realize the value of staying present in the moment. Feel the connection, then speak.

“Connect first, then take action. What if we stop for a moment, step into the present moment, feel the heart, and connect with each other before we speak or act? ” demand Nicola Amadora, Ph.D.., psychologist, mindfulness teacher and relationship educator.

“Even the most difficult problems can be solved if we prioritize really meeting each other first. It’s simple, it feels natural, but connecting takes practice. For when we feel in touch with the pulse of life and with each other, love emerges and shows a path, one that you may not have seen before.

5. With unconditional love, both partners understand that there is room for “us” and “I”.

“Intimacy is essential to a healthy relationship, but not so much. Paradoxically, the joy of being together is reinforced by the need to have time apart ”, explains Stephen Dynako, author of “The self-aware lover”.

“Love in its authenticity understands that each partner is not dependent but interdependent. The need to be constantly connected to one’s partner is more a matter of fear, whether known or unknown, than of love. love transcends space, so truly loving partners understand the power of their love regardless of their physical closeness at all times.

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Aria Gmitter, MS, MFA, is YourTango’s senior editor for horoscopes and spirituality. She studies at the Midwestern School of Astrology and is a member of the South Florida Astrological Association.